Friday, August 19, 2011

And the Karma Train strikes the Asylum!

I hope that ma chérie amour won't mind my purloining a bit of her Canfield composition today...The amount of coincidence involved in the buildup that led to an armed officer  doing a sweep of my home today (with gun drawn, mind you) is absolutely not coincidental... I should probably go buy a lottery ticket today.

The younger of the twins (we'll call him Simon) is quite the talker and gadget hound… Always sneaking away with an iPod touch or an iPad and playing some games  we play together. He has called about everyone on my wife's cell phone. On several occasions. With abandon.  Finally put a lock  on the cell phone. I found out today that 911 is not included in such locks!

 So… the twins (we'll call them Simon and Levi)  were caught red-handed dismantling their closet AND/OR dumping chemicals on the carpet that  have no business being on the carpet AND/OR  orchestrating general mayhem in their room, at which point they were grounded to sit on their beds while my wife took a shower. Simon must have thought that she went to lie down ( I got tired just hearing the story!)  and decided to see who he could call to gripe about his "incarceration" with the contraband cell phone he managed to smuggle in ...please enjoy the following  dramatic transcription of one of his 6 calls to the 911 call center:  

"911, what is your emergency?"  
Response: heavy breathing.  
"Hello?  This is 911.  What is your emergency?"  
Simon:  "My Mom is not talking to me.  She's tired."  
Operator: "Why is she tired?  Is she sick?  Is she hurt?"  
Simon:  "She tired.  Of me.  She's sleeping."  
"Can you wake her up?"  
Simon:  "No, she not talking".  
Operator:  "I'm sending a unit.  Can you tell me your address, Honey?"  
Simon:  "Wee-vi and I make a mess in our room.  We in trouble".  
Operator: "Honey, where do you live?"  
Simon:  "My neighbor is building a swim pool".   (of course… Simon can't remember his address… but notices out his window that the neighbor is building a swimming pool… Makes perfect sense, doesn't it ?)

Going on just that information, Officer Krupky does a sweep of the neighborhood until he hears the blood-curdling screams of the "incarcerated" Simon and Levi, and proceeds to enter the home. Fortunately, my wife managed to finish showering and dressing at this point, but I can't imagine that assuaged her much as she met an armed officer on the stairs who didn't know whether she was a victim, suspect, or person of interest at that point.

Needless to say, Simon had the riot act read to him today...and he's mulling the "wait till your father gets home" soundbite over and over, I'm sure. in trouble all right...but I think the mess in the room is the least of your worries!!!